Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
dude i'm inner monologue high
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Randomize
