On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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