You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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