you guys were way drunker than both of me
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
