I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
