The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize