one might say we're banned from that church
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
