there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
