Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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