he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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