My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
