whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
