I heard we made out
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
