So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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