just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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