i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
