I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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