Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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