Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
