I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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