I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
