I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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