you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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