It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
