I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
