that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
