I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
