i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
