I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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