it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize