Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
