I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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