Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
