she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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