I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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