Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
