Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
