East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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