We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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