I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
