I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
