Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
