I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
