My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
