Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
