Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
