you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
