you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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