just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize