A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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