I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
