So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Every concussion has its silver lining
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
