I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
