I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
