Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize