Will you blow on my dice?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
