Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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