My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
