she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
