I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize