Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
