For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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