I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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