if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
