she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
this just has baby written all over it
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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