Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
