the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
