Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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