Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
