So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
i now understand why vodka
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
