But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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