Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Found the puke drawer
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
