I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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