Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
