This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
