um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
