how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
