we're chasing vodka with high fives
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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