We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
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