For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
