Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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