Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
