thus making me awesome and them whores
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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