Me. At least after what I've been through.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
