Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
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