no, he came in my armpit
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize