yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He called his prostate his "boner button".
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
