i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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