Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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