The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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