I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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