does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
