I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
