Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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