He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
