it was like his penis was on wheels.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Randomize
