we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
