Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
did i walk over a car last night?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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