I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
