D3 body, D1 cock
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
