I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
