i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
