she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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