Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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