I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
