I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
